One step forward, two steps back.

This past weekend I had to make an extremely hard decision. A decision that I had been tossing up for the last couple months. I thought I had already decided on it, but last Sunday while at my parents I discovered that I hadn’t.

I have put everything that I could into my apartment in the last year. I love this place more than most people love their houses even. It has character, it has stories and its perfect for my old soul. Unfortunately, the timing is not right. When I moved out last year I knew that it would be a struggle and it has been to say the least. The lives of my room mate and I have created many sleepless nights. Constantly seeing life and love through multiple different sets of eyes. The bills pile up and the account rarely has any extra in it. But I did it. For the last year I have budgeted, made mistakes and lived my life – and loved it.

With that being said, in order for me to move forward,  I need to take a couple of steps back. Its a hard move. How do you admit yourself that you might have started down a road that in the beginning was smooth and inviting, but now has seemingly endless pot holes. Is it possible to do it? Absolutely it is,  but I have been blessed with a family that never stops caring about me. And a father who always seems to be right.

Last Sunday while at my parents house it all the sudden dawned on me that this is where I need be right now. I didn’t know how they were going to react. I knew that my mother would have a makeshift bed made up for me that night if I wanted it, my father on the other hand, is always slightly difficult to read.

After sitting upstairs trying to figure out a way to pose this to their advantage (perhaps my unlimited wireless internet might entice?), contemplating if I should come right out and tell them, or just slowly move my stuff back in and see if they notice.

I walked downstairs, sat on the couch beside my dad, spead my arm over the back of the couch and used the ever popular “Hey Faja, how much do you love me?” line. He responded with “what is it you would like my dear?” I responded with “…if you could just hang my curtains…” (a little inside joke to smooth the way into every parents nightmare.) “Just kidding, I’d like to move home.” Faja smiled, a stiff little smile, as he pointed the remote towards the TV and turned up the volume.

After he sat there for a bit, seeing his freedom 55 get pushed further and further away, he responded with “where are we going to park all the cars?”

I’ll take that as a yes.

Here’s to a year of new challenges, adventures and a much more populated living space. Shower schedule anyone?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares The Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Let go, fear less, trust more.


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