You think that those feelings are going to go away. The way that he made you feel when he looked at you with those determined eyes, the words that he used to be demeaning to you echo in your ear. They bring up feelings of fear, disconnection, and doubt in yourself. It’s been years since I’ve seen him face to face.
The days for me are now fewer and farther between. But they still come, the devil still pursues me using the voice that he knows will make me shake. Just a couple of nights ago, I swatted my husband’s hand away from around me while in a dream because in my dream it wasn’t my husbands hand – it was my past – coming to take the life out of me. Despite my freedom in The Lord, the awesome counselling and the change of lifestyle, I realize that the devil is never going to stop pursuing me. He’s never going to stop telling me that I don’t deserve to have made it out the other side. Maybe he’s telling you the same thing.
I’m here to tell you, that you of all people deserve to have made it out of the emotional bondage that he put you in. You matter. Your opinions matter. You are of value on your own. You were created to be courageous. You are fiercely loved by The Lord. You, are a daughter of the King.
The closer that we get with The Lord, the harder the devil is going to fight for us. Be aware, the devil doesn’t always fight in dramatic ways like the movies tell you. No, the devil fights in little whispers. “You’re not as good as you think”, “you hold no value”, “you’re not worth it”, “you’re never going to be good enough, skinny enough or pretty enough to be loved”. He plays mind games.
The Lord stands in front of us, he protects us, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t face these fears, it means, that you won’t face them alone.
This week in our life group we studied the story of Moses, who through the glory of God freed the Israelites from slavary under the Egyptians. After they were freed, The Lord brought them in plain view of the Egyptians, who came after them. The Isrealites cried out in fear, saying that it would have been easier for them to have stayed slaves then to be brought back after freedom. Moses responded with “The Lord will fight for you, you need to only be still.” (Exodus 14:14) God opened the sea for the Isrealites to cross through, and when the Egyptians followed them, God let go of the waters. If the Isrealites hadn’t turned back and faced their biggest oppressor, they would not have been completely freed.
Jesus paid the price for you for be free from sin. When the devils comes a knocking, The Lord will fight for you.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come before you today holding my fear, my doubts, my insecurities and my demons. I pray that you will take hold of my heart and my life. I trust that you will give me the strength in Jesus’ name to fight against my worst oppressor, the devil. I pray that the whispers in my ears and my mind will be drowned out by your voice, telling me that I need to only be still. I know that you are Lord. Thank you God for wanting me, for loving me, for creating me. Thank you for saving me. Lord, may your will be done in my life.
In Jesus name,
Let go, fear less, trust more.