They’re saying, “Awwww, hey girl, you know you’ll look good in these jeans, you’ve still got your youthful figure.” I think for a moment to myself, take a glance at my behind in their large reflective windows and decide that I would, in fact, look fantastic in those jeans.

I waltz in, select a variety of sizes because let’s be honest, each store is different.

I am led to the change rooms by a fashionista with a large smile on her face who says “I love the fit of these jeans, so flexible…” I nervously smirk in return.

I am alone. I start to slither into the size I was the last time I shopped here, maybe 6 years ago?

This is my thought process.

• Are these real pants? – as I unroll the skin-tight jean up the calves
• They weren’t kidding when they said chopsticks
• The size must be numbered wrong
• Did my knees gain weight? Is that even possible?
• These are supposed to fit human legs right?
• Onto the next size
• How am I a different size than I was 6 years ago when I am currently still wearing the last pair of pants I bought here…
• Whew, up to the thighs this time – take that knees!
• They should offer yoga here
• Breathe in, breathe out, downward dog, breathe in, button up annnddddd relax.
• These are clearly not getting past these thunder thighs
• Maybe if I tuck them into the jeans while I jump?
• Uhmm, no. Never mind.
• Did I just hear a rip?
• Next size, last ones
• Is that the cost of the jeans or the item number?
• Up the calves, these are waaaay too long.
• Over the thighs and…
• ….
• Wow, when they said lowest of rise, they really meant it
• Do people’s bottoms actually fit these?
• How are these remotely flexible?
• My underwear is covering more of my behind than the jeans
• People will start using me as a piggy bank
• These aren’t even real pockets – where am I suppose to keep my snacks?
• I give up
• It’s no wonder girls are so confused, they’re being squeezed into these suction tubes that they call jeans
• Oh goodness, they’ll have to call in the jaws of life to get me out of these
• Hello?! Help?! Anybody?!

 

I drive home, go into my jean drawer and grab my “mom” jeans. They slide right up  – no tucking, no jumping, no yoga poses, no jaws of life, and my lunch that I just ate isn’t hanging over the edge.

Hello, my name is B, I’m 24 years young and I wear mom jeans

…and I’m a lot more comfortable than you are.

#embracechildbearinghips #embracejeanfreedom #freethemomjean #jeanequality