If you’re anything like me, God gave you a creative mind. Which is such an exciting adventure. Everyday is different, the building excitement of possibilities are endless, and anxiety is an everyday battle.
If you’re anything like my husband, you had no idea what kind of highs and lows you were going to experience throughout your marriage.
When walking through a store, I literally take hours to just look at details of items – I have to pick them up and feel them to get an understanding of what I might use it for, even if I don’t want it. When you see a frame, you don’t just see one, you see of collection of what they could be together, your imagination goes wild with what you could put in them and how they would make a room feel. There is no simple answer and most times I leave a store empty-handed, more confused than when I walked in, especially because I went in for socks.
Sleeping is a challenging part of your day. When you finally walk through your brain shutting each section down and creating a to-do list that will take years to complete, your dreams take over. They are almost like a second reality where you have to wake yourself up multiple times to convince yourself that it isn’t really happening. My poor husband has been woken up more times than not from me trying to get myself out of a dream. But when he wraps my arms around me and says “I’m here, you’re okay”, I drift right back into the next dream. Often times waking up more exhausted than if I hadn’t slept at all. They’re rarely even scary, they’re just real.
Having a creative mind makes things like watching TV insanely challenging. For me personally, I’m constantly looking at the lighting, camera angles and the camera’s focus. In order for me to pay attention to a TV show, I’m almost always doing something else at the same time – I crave multi-tasking. Whether it’s perusing an article, scrolling through instagram, doodling on a piece of paper, or note taking for a blog. My husband always tries to catch me not paying attention but is always taken aback when I can recite the entire conversation we just watched word for word. If I wasn’t doodling – I could not have done that.
Every story that you tell isn’t about the ending of the story – it’s about the journey of how you got there.
Wife: How was your day?
Husband: Great, busy. How was your day?
Wife: Well, I got up, tripped over my charging cord, had a shower, made a smoothie and some coffee, was running sooo late for work I practically jumped in a moving car. At work, this patient said this, and I responded with this, it was so funny. Then on lunch, we couldn’t decide to do… etc.
You get the point. Sometimes, for husband, it’s a bit exhausting. I don’t blame him. Most days I’ll start a story in the morning, forget that I was telling it because it tapered off into another story – and then finish the original one when he crawls into bed at night.
Music has an impressive amount of say in my mood – if it’s too busy when my mind is busy – it can send me into a panic. If it’s too loud when my surroundings are super colourful or overstimulating, I get overwhelmed. My husband’s metal music collection and I aren’t the best of friends.
When anxiety takes over and I can’t talk myself down anymore, I feel like I’m suffocating. I have to clear everything on or around me that’s loose fabric and assume the fetal position. When I am in that place, I feel embarrassed that I let it get that far. That I didn’t lean on God when in the depths of my struggles. God comforts me in more ways than one — especially through my husband, who gets down on the floor with me and talks me back to him.
I constantly live on the edge of sheer joy and depression, teetering back and forth. Everyday is a balancing act. I am my own worst critic. I hold myself back because I’m so worried about who I am not, that I forget to take joy in who God created me to be.
Creative, unique, cheerful, compassionate, humorous, joyful, energetic, loving, and most importantly, to serve Him.
Will you let me pray for you
Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray for all of the creative-minded women out there. You created us all so similar yet so different. I pray that we will seek you in the joys and the struggles. That we will feel your presence in our day-to-day lives. I pray that you will bless each of our relationships so that they will grow deeper with you. I pray for our husbands who meet us where we need them too, in the middle of our sunshine or the middle of our storm. Thank you Father, for loving us unconditionally.
In your name,
Let go, fear less, trust more,